Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Posted by Meeta K
The purpose of dating isn't to divulge all of your personal details, or to express every feeling you may have for a person. It's just supposed to be a fun night out, to "test the waters" and see if you have basic compatibility.
These early times in the relationship should impress the other person, so that much later when the time is right all those personal details can be shared. You have to attract the person before you can get close! Since the things you should talk about depend upon you and the person you're talking to, and can include so many things, it's better to name the things you almost all the time shouldn't talk about.
Here's a pretty good list of the top twelve:
1. Past Relationships – Nobody, man or woman, wants to hear about the people you've been with in the past. It's an extreme turnoff to hear about all the good times you've had with someone other than who you're sitting in front of, and also appear that you're carrying a lot of baggage if you talk about the bad times. If you really feel the need to talk about your ex's, save it for (much) later.
2. Work – Another topic that not many people want to hear about, unless you have a very interesting job. For the most of us that aren't stunt men, astronauts, or exclusive nightclub owners, your work should stay at work.
3. Kids – Whether you like them or despise them, make sure they don't become a topic. It can be a touchy subject for people, plus it makes it seem as if you're already looking too far into the future. Plus, how embarrassing would it be to say you can't stand kids and then have your date say they have them?
4. Religion – Unless religion is a very important factor in your decision to see someone, I wouldn't mention it. It can make people feel uncomfortable, or assume that the other person won't like them due to differences. Save it for when the time is right to discuss it. Also, there aren't than many people who are attracted to proselytism…
5. People you Dislike – Generally complaining is a bad idea, especially when it's about people you can't stand. It makes you look disagreeable, and that you can't hold good relationships. It looks bad to be negative (this applies to all other topics too).
6. Politics – People usually either love it or hate it. It's better not to take the risk and just leave it out of conversation. It's a source of conflict, and until you're both comfortable with each other, don't bring it up. That and it's kind of boring compared to other things you could be talking about.
7. Money – Don't flaunt it if you have it, and definitely don't say you don't. If it means that much to the person they're probably not what you're looking for.
8. Sex and Feelings – Far too personal for the early stages. It also makes it look like it's all you're looking for. And if it is, learn some bar tricks and go to one instead. Hold back on the emotions, too – sex and your feelings for a person come later. A general guideline – make your compliments about them and not about yourself. For example, "You're great! You have such a friendly personality!" is much better than "You're great! You make me happy and you're what I'm looking for!" It's neutral, and just it'll prevent hard feelings if they don't like you as much as you like them.
9. Yourself – You don't have to list all of your positive traits to show you're confident (in fact, it usually shows you're insecure by needing to talk about yourself). Ask intriguing questions instead. Do your best not to do the usual questions like "what's your favorite color" and "what do you do for fun". Think of random, out-of-the-ordinary questions, keeping them rather impersonal and non-offensive.
10. Technical stuff – Science is only interesting to a scientist. There are many other ways to show you're smart than to give a lecture on why the second law of thermodynamics explains how messy your house is due to the tendency of a thermodynamic system to increase in entropy over time (see what I mean?).
11. Odd Habits – These often repel your potential mate. Everybody has quirks about them, but let them discover them over time.
12. Nothing – You should always try to make sure you're talking about something – long periods of silence are almost as awkward as bad conversation. Sure, talking to a new person can be hard, but it definitely gets easier.
Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and happy dating!
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This Post was contributed by Vicky from Got A Crush