Stress Busters for Children

stress (strĕs)
n.
1. A mentally or emotionally disruptive or upsetting condition occurring in response to adverse external influences and capable of affecting physical health, usually characterized by increased heart rate, a rise in blood pressure, muscular tension, irritability, and depression.
2. A stimulus or circumstance causing such a condition.

Just as adults do, children suffer from stress, too. Pressure comes from many quarters: peers, school, playground, teachers, to mention just a few. In some children, especially gifted children, symptoms of stress are often highly elevated. What may seem like a perfectly normal situation could cause stress on a daily basis for a child, for example, the very act of going to school even though the child may enjoy his day at school. The moment of parting from a parent can remain traumatic, even through elementary school. There are many methods and techniques of conquering stress but it's a game of trial and error until you find the gold key that works for your child. This article focuses on a few techniques that families from my SENG parent group have found useful when talking about it does not help.

1. Transitional Objects: Who hasn't heard of Linus from The Peanuts and his security blanket? Blankets, teddy bears, pacifiers, dolls are transitional objects for infants and toddlers, making it easier for them to cope with separation anxiety. For older children, transitional objects take on a slightly different meaning. It could be anything: a charm, a key chain, a flattened penny, or a button - something small. Find something that will fit in your child's pocket and is easily replaceable. Sit down with your child and explain that the transitional object is symbolic; and when you hand it to him, he understands that you must separate for the day but when he touches or feels that object through the day:
   
   • that things will work out, regardless of how dark the situation looks at the moment
   • familiarity of the transitional object will provide a feeling of comfort
   • and it is his link with you and your unconditional love and support for him.
   
   When he comes home, have him hand the object back to you. This can be interpreted in several ways depending on how the day went:
   • he is in his own environment now and does not feel threatened or pressured
   • he is voluntarily giving up the negative emotions associated with the day.
   
   Since transitional objects are small and inobtrusive, they can be used without the fear of being ridiculed by other children, and for as long as your child needs them. Adults are known to wear charms or carry items that 'give them strength' or 'make them feel good' - so why not a child?


2. Visualization: This is a powerful technique that takes some practice before it can be used effectively. On a day that your child is relaxed and content, find a quiet place in the house and ask her to do a short mental exercise with you. Have her lie down or get into a comfortable sitting position and then ask her to close her eyes. Tell her she is going to take a short trip and then ask her where she is going or where she would like to go, what she is carrying with her, if she has any companions or pets with her, and ask her to describe her destination when she gets there. Have her experience this happy place with all her senses: what does she see, what sounds is she hearing, can she smell anything, but most of all, how does she feel? Then tell her to "take a picture" of this wonderful and peaceful place and tuck it away in her memory, for future recall.
   
   Help her use this "peaceful picture" by prompting her to visualize it when you see her getting stressed. Right before a recital, during a soccer game, before an exam. Whisper "think of your picture" or "remember your happy place" or something appropriate that will help her visualize that calming scene again and put her in the right frame of mind. After a while, she will not need to be prompted and will pull out that picture from her memory into her present. This picture will have become a stress reliever for your child.
   
   
3. Warm baths: Long soaks in hot baths with lavender help relax tired and aching muscles. They also have a soothing effect on frayed nerves. When it seems like you are up against a wall and not getting through with love and logic, a hot bath - not for you, but for your child - is often the answer. If nothing else, it will help ease some of the stress of the day. You could always do the same for yourself once your child is taken care of!
   
   
4. Physically demanding activities: Cross country running, long bike rides, swimming laps are some of the physically demanding activities that allow stressed children to vent some of those pent-up feelings. The endorphin rush, muscular exertion and the feeling of good tiredness work together to put your child into a relaxed mood. You may notice that many of the perceived stresses either evaporate or that your child is better able to deal with them after working out rigorously.

Tolerance of stress is important in order to build persistence and to be able to handle the ambiguities of life. This holds for all children, whether gifted or not; and we play a huge role, as parents, by helping them handle challenging situations and cope with problems as they arise. Allow them to understand that stress is not all bad. Stresses of challenge and learning can have positive results. It is the burdensome stress that needs to be tackled so that it does not become debilitating on a daily basis.

My SENG group has been an eye-opener for me on many fronts. Not only was there support from other parents who had been in similar situations but finally, there was a group of people who understood what I was ranting about. Our group was facilitated by two TAG Coordinators from our school district. We used the book Guiding the Gifted Child as the background for our learning and our discussions. Ask your school district if they have any parent groups that you could join or if they could put you on their (TAG) mailing list through which a lot of information is shared about talks, discussion groups and programs for parenting gifted learners.

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This post was written by Manisha

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Testing for Giftedness

I work with children to whom things have come very easily. My job is to have them hit a wall and then show them how to scale it. - W. Buffer, Intervention Specialist, Boulder Valley School District, Colorado

In my last article, I shared my unwillingness to get my child tested for giftedness. Yet, once I realized that her needs were not being met in the classroom and that home-schooling was not an option for us, I found out as much as I could about being labeled as gifted and pushed for testing. I do feel the need to clarify that this series of articles is merely a reflection on our journey and to share some of the insights gained along the way with the hope that it might help someone else out there in similar circumstances. It is most definitely not to say that my child is better than anyone else's.

Every child astonishes its parents in one way or another as it grows. There is innate and latent talent in every child, waiting to come forth. In some children, it is apparent at a very young age and parents are left wondering whether they are meeting their child's needs adequately. In most cases, the child will lead the parent to research and provide appropriate input right from the early years. My recommendation is for parents to enjoy this phase and encourage learning through visual stimulation as well as physical exploration. Reading, simple puzzles, math games, movies - especially documentaries on nature and discovery - will ensure that learning is fun and support your child's creativity.


Once your child is in school, find out what your school district offers by way of after-school enrichment as well as programs for Gifted and Talented (G/T). If the school offers testing, opt for this as soon as possible. There are several reasons I recommend this.

1. The first and foremost is that it opens up many doors. Within our school district, for example, there is a mailing list through which information about G/T activities all over the country is shared: events, articles, new findings, invitations to G/T centric seminars, and even invitations from the local universities for classes for special interest groups. I cannot even begin to estimate the amount of time I would have had to spend to come up with even 10% of the information I receive via this mailing list.
2. Once on the G/T track, always on the G/T track – for as long as there is a program within the school district. In our school district, the program carries on through high school. Children tested in kindergarten are never tested again. It is up to the parents to decide whether or not the program is of any benefit to the child and take the necessary action. Testing is expensive for the schools and repeat tests even more so.
3. Age plays a large factor in how the tests are graded. They are therefore more difficult in the higher grades than in the lower grades, making it easier for a child to be accepted into the G/T program earlier than later.
4. Once tested and approved for the G/T program, your child will probably attend an intervention program where his skills are constantly challenged and he is placed in learning situations that are not generally found within the typical classroom: mixed grade instruction, for example. Topics of instruction may range from Greek Mythology to Banking and International Trade to Impressionist Art. There is nothing that a curious and open mind cannot absorb.
5. I strongly recommend utilizing all the resources that your school may offer you and push for testing before your child reaches the age of 9 or 10. It has been noted over and over again that gifted children, especially girls, start suppressing their intellectual and lateral skills for social reasons. It is cool to be hip, wear make-up, low-rise jeans with revealing tees, and walk instead of play during recess. It is not cool to be intelligent. Girls are mean and become more ruthless in middle school.

Most of what I have written has been within the context of public schools in the US and based on my experience with two school districts in different states. If there is no specific G/T program within your school, you could evaluate moving to a school that has a relevant program. Before you take a step of this nature, it would be prudent to speak with your child's teacher to see if she can work with you to challenge your child more in the classroom. Teachers are usually thrilled to have a student like this in their class and many will step outside their comfort zone and make an effort.

Another option is to find a Yahoo Group or a Google Group for homeschooling in your area and subscribe to the daily digest. One such group that I subscribe to is the ILHS Announce Group on Yahoo. These are usually very active mailing lists that prove to be an amazing resource for everything from science projects to things to do in summer.

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This is the second in a series of articles on giftedness. My next article will focus on board games that depend largely on strategy, rather than luck.

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Are you interested in contributing to The Daily Tiffin? Drop us an email: blogmeeta@gmail.com. We look forward to hearing your ideas.

This Post was written by Manisha of Indian Food Rocks

Labeled as Gifted

Being an exception in a world that prizes sameness is never comfortable at first. - Linda Silverman, Ph.D.

Gifted, to describe talented children, was not a word I was familiar with until I came to the US. I was more used to brilliant, extremely intelligent, exceptional and of course, talented. It took me a while to understand that gifted was different from special. A child with disabilities is special. A child with talents is gifted. And, both need special attention.

What is gifted, anyway? According to the National Association for Gifted Children (NAGC), a gifted person is someone who shows, or has the potential for showing, an exceptional level of performance in one or more areas of expression. There are many more definitions, none clearer than the previous one.

Some define gifted as having an IQ of 130 or more. Others feel a child is gifted if they can perform at 2 or more grade levels above their age. The No Child Left Behind Act of 2002 has its own definition. No matter what the definition, the first step is always identifying that a child is gifted. Understanding the difference between a bright child and a gifted learner is also critical to forming misconceptions about one's child.

I was largely in the 'my child is bright' camp until recently. It was first brought to my attention that my child might be more than bright when she started reading at the tender age of 3. There were times when I thought she was dyslexic because was and saw appeared to be the same to her. She read from left to right and from right to left without any discrimination. Most kids belted out the alphabet song ABC. She belted out ZYX because ABC had been done to death. It was when she started writing messages in mirror image on our living room window so that it could be read properly from the outside, that I finally took note of the fact that we may have something going on here. Still, I was unwilling to get her tested privately as, by then, I had heard many negative things about being labeled as gifted. She showed signs of intelligence and I felt that that was all that needed fostering. I didn't think she was ahead of her grade because quite frankly, within the Indian context, she was not. She was average. But, we were not in India and the truth was that she was not learning much in school. To her, school was a place for social interaction, not learning.

The school district she was in did not have anything besides the ISAT for student assessment. Since she was off the charts on those assessments, her kindergarten school sent her to a reading specialist so that she could read instead of learn how to read. Her teachers were very enthused by her and looked forward to challenging her. As long as there was at least an attempt in that direction, I thought she would be fine. As time passed, it became clear that she needed more than what the local public schools could offer her. There were no private schools in the immediate area at that time. We decided to move to the Boulder area in Colorado because the public schools were known for being as good as, if not better, than focused private schools. Homeschooling was not an option even though it seemed like most of her learning occurred at home.

Boulder Valley School District has a Talented and Gifted Program (TAG) where children are tested using nationally accepted tests like the CogAT, Naglieri Non-verbal Ability test, Ravens tests, amongst others. It took nearly 2 years before my child was tested for the TAG Program, the primary issue being funding for testing. The No Child Left Behind Act was taking its effect and while 3rd grade and up took the CSAP, testing for TAG had been suspended. Change came in Spring 2007, when both houses of the Colorado General Assembly passed a bill that was then signed into a law by Gov. Bill Ritter in June, that made it mandatory for all state administrative units to adopt and implement a program plan to identify and serve gifted children. Thank you, Bill Ritter! My child was tested in October 2007, after first having been suggested as a potential candidate in March 2006. She is now labeled as gifted.

A lot of this may not be relevant to your particular situation but this is an indication of what you might face from the public school system in the US should you feel that your child's educational needs are not being met and that perhaps he or she is gifted. An alternative is private testing from centers like Linda Silverman's GDC.

We have had interesting run-ins with several parents who believe that their child does not get the attention he or she deserves as teachers' energies are focused on children on the extreme end of the spectrum: those who need help learning and those who need to be challenged. They don't say it to our faces but they believe that TAG programs are elitist because schools with gifted programs offer special treatment for "smart kids" that already have it going for them, especially in the classroom. Whereas I believe that every child has a right to education and that gifted education is more about meeting the academic needs of students whose abilities and knowledge exceed what is being taught in the regular classroom.

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This is the first of a series of articles on giftedness. My next article will focus on why you should get your child tested for giftedness. Do share your thoughts and experiences as we could learn from your experiences. You see, this is a journey we embarked on several years ago - we just didn't know that we were traveling or where we were headed.

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Are you interested in contributing to The Daily Tiffin? Drop us an email: blogmeeta@gmail.com. We look forward to hearing your ideas.

This Post was written by Manisha from Indian Food Rocks.