Where are you from? - The, sometimes, unanswerable question...

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I’d like to talk about something a little personal, if I may, because I’m curious about what the rest of you who have experienced this in the past or are experiencing it now feel about it.

I’m sort of a third culture kid, although even that doesn’t really describe what I am. I didn’t go from one culture to another and then form a third culture out of that mix of experiences; I was born in one Iran, raised the first half of my life in France and spent the second half of my childhood in the US in California. I’ve often been described as being like an onion, my core is Iranian, my mid-layers are French, and my outer layers are American, though the skin is Iranian based on my looks, and I've described myself as a cultural mutt when asked "what I was."
I married a Pakistani who was born in Lahore but who, in terms of education, was raised in the United Kingdom, and in terms of vacation time was mostly in Saudi Arabia or sometimes back in Pakistan. He and I have funny arguments about the meaning of various words in American English as opposed to British English. I have two step-children, one who is half Pakistani-one quarter Kuwaiti-one quarter Swedish, and the other who is half Pakistani-half American. My ten month-old daughter, who is ethnically half Iranian-half Pakistani, was born in London, entitling her to a British passport to go with her various other passports and residency permits.

Where am I going with this? Well, I’ve always had an easy and a hard time fitting in. Easy because there were few ways in which to be entrenched, my parents not being big sticklers for tradition, hard because I could always see what the other side of the argument might be, or the way that those “foreign” people might interpret the situation. I think of everywhere as home and nowhere as home if that makes sense. Wherever I am, if I am there for a while and haven’t traveled, I start to feel antsy and homesick for another home. It’s disconcerting sometimes because I can be in a room of people who have very strong opinions about their country or their part of the world and it feels like this brings them a sense of security in something permanent that I have never felt.

That isn’t to say that I haven’t argued for my various countries of origin, as I actually did most of my life though I didn’t begin to realize it until I was in my late teens.
My French childhood friends would sometimes refer to me as “l’Iranienne” (the Iranian); to my American schoolmates I was a French “frog” first but became Middle Eastern when the Middle East would come up in the news which then often translated to my representing terrorism somehow; to my French friends I became “l’Américaine” who could understand the way Americans thought and behaved and probably was betraying French culture and tradition by assimilating somehow; on the round went until eventually there were so many arrows pointing from one place to the other on so many different subjects that I stopped trying to defend one culture to another as a function of where I was geographically. If people didn’t want to understand, that was their own problem, not mine, but the feeling of not belonging was only delineated more sharply by the ever-growing impossibility of taking one side and sticking to it.

So the question is, how do I raise my daughter to feel a sense of home that is, pardon the pun, foreign to me. The saying is that “home is where the heart is,” but that’s a bit trite and nebulous, isn’t it? I can certainly agree with the idea that my home is where my family is, but even though family is immutable, one still goes through life in one’s own head and is, in a way, alone. It’s likely that we will be traveling a fair amount as she grows up, partly because that is our wish and partly because our personal and professional lives require travel. Is the answer simply to make sure she has a thick skin?

You’re probably wondering how my stepchildren have fared so far, and my answer would be quite well, but I don’t know what it was, or perhaps wasn’t, that has resulted in their faring so well while being pulled in so many different directions. I haven’t had a long discussion with either one of them about this because I don’t think I was fully cognizant of the source of my discomfort until I was in college, so I don’t think it fair to bring this open-ended question into their lives, until they start to feel it for themselves, while hoping that perhaps it will never enter their consciousness.

I know that many of you who read the Daily Tiffin are expatriates in your own right, some having children and raising them in completely foreign cultures from your own, but wonder which of you were brought up in a couple or more different places, as I was, and feel like they have no country but, also, every country.
And, if you have children, are you finding that their experience of several cultures is similar to yours or different, or that they are affected in ways you couldn’t have imagined because their experience was not, in the end, what you thought it would be based on your own understanding of the nomadic life? Why don't you step into my office...

This post was written by Hilda

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STEPPING OUT OF 'MY' COMFORT ZONE...

A few days ago the hub decided to shake the kids out of their secure bubble, & announced it was time to take a trip into town using public transport. The call was for a trip into the old city here in Delhi, 'Old Delhi, Purani Dilli or the Walled City' as it is also called, and by the Delhi Metro. The Metro has been around for a couple of years yet we hadn’t experienced it. 'Oh NO'… a huge cry rose across the room, both kids looking at me in despair. The hub always feels that the two of them have got too used to being driven around from point A to B, or using the school bus. They have no idea how the transport system works, & how we used to hop on and off buses when we were young. We’ve been on the Monorail in Sydney, MRT in Singapore, Metro in HKG, Tube in London, even the Moscow Metro…but every country is different, and ours is no exception. Hopped onto the train, stumbling around the system initially, but we soon got a hang of things. Though the journey into town was an hour long, it was stress free, in air conditioned comfort, with no crowds etc. Being a really hot and humid day, once out of the train, the heat, humidity & chaos soon hit us. We had stepped into a different world, & the kids just gaped! The walled city has a certain charm of it’s own. Lots of old dilapidated buildings, delicious roadside food (which we didn’t heat because of jaundice, typhoid fears), hundreds of people, cattle, rickshaws ... all sharing space on the road. A happy balance of complete chaos. We had fun sauntering around streets with no names, reaching dead ends, then piling into rickshaws and racing each other, passing the Jama Masjid en route, India’s largest and most picturesque mosque. Screeched to a halt to crowd into a tiny shop dealing with brass ware etc. Was fun to see the kids’ eyes light up… so much to sift through. A shop packed with fascinating bric-a-brac. They wanted everything, the daughter especially who went ballistic and almost needed to be tranquilized. I wanted everything, but then I’m ‘grown-up’, so that’s my perk!! We shopped till the hub dropped, & then set off again. The bait was the food of course! Here the kids were game. Let’s go to Karim’s was the call…a place that found its way into top Asian foodie joint listings, including the Times and BBC guides. To quote from the Time Magazine, 'Travelers in Delhi have a lot on their plate. Mughal monuments like the hulking Red Fort and the elegant Jama Masjid, India's largest mosque, loom above the city's myriad bazaars and the dusty homes of forgotten poets. But no matter how much there is to explore, locals and visitors alike always return to Delhi's most beloved haunt: Karim's. A cycle-rickshaw ride from the Chandni Chowk Metro stop, Karim's is neither soaring fortress nor ancient temple, yet it is an unmissable landmark nonetheless, often filled to capacity with the faithful. This drab roadside dhaba (or eatery) serves up the most authentic Mughlai fare in the city—which is what you might expect considering who runs the place.'The hype had been created before. We conveniently forgot to tell them that it was a glorified road-side dhaba that is famous for its food, not interiors. They were shocked & refused to eat. Hub and me exchanged looks, & told them to wait while we ate, and they could eat at home. To Karim’s credit, the minute the food was served, the kids devoured it like there was no tomorrow, enjoying each morsel.Long day done, early supper enjoyed, and we set off into the setting sun to catch the Metro back home. This time the journey wasn’t easy. We got caught in the holiday rush & were squished like sardines in a can. Crowds like we’ve never seen before, jostling for every square inch. Quite alarming actually, but surprise surprise; the kids didn’t complain. Not once. They just took to it and were quite fancy-free. Not a whine the entire hour of standing with teeming millions, not a whine when there was a power cut for a minute & my heart stopped beating, not a whine till we got back home…WOW!!Lesson learnt - It's me who has to step out of my comfort zone. I confess I was VERY skeptical and doubted this idea would work. Rolled my eyes at the hub when the kids weren't looking. Experience is a great teacher! Kids are so much more adaptable. They just need the opportunity.

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This post was written by Deeba

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When a Beautiful Hike Can Go Wrong

I wouldn't say we are avid hikers or adventurers but we do like to hike as a family. That usually limits us to easy to moderate hikes with moderate gains in altitude. The longest hike we have done is a 5.4 mile hike along The Loop in Rocky Mountain Park. We always take the necessary precautions:

• we carry enough water for each person
• we wear sunscreen
• we carry or use insect repellent
  
• we carry several layers of clothing, including one that is water resistant, as the weather can change in a heartbeat in the Rockies
• we carry walkie-talkies just in case. Most of the time, my daughter uses these to sing to everyone else who might be on the same frequency.
  
• we do not let our daughter walk alone ahead or behind us - we're usually in mountain lion territory.
• we carry energy bars or fruit leather on short hikes. On slightly longer hikes, I carry boiled eggs - it's the only time I eat boiled egg yolk - and sandwiches.
  
• the hikes we go on have well-marked trails so we don't need a map but we carry the one the Park gives us anyway.
• we stay on the marked trail.
• we don't pick wildflowers or mushrooms or any plants.
• we're keyed into the weather and if we see a thunderstorm approaching - a very common afternoon phenomenon around here - we pack up and head for safety.
• we do not hike in the dark, except at Delicate Arch in Arches National Park, where the hike back is well after sunset and partly in the dark.
• we carry flashlights.

Is it possible then that anything could go wrong? It can and it did. On a very easy hike - you could even call it a stroll. You see, there were a couple of important things that are not covered in the list above and add to it a sense of complacency.

We were hiking in Yosemite National Park over spring break late last month. The hike or stroll in question was around Mirror Lake, a shallow pool of water along Tenaya Creek that has fabulous reflections during spring. As the season progresses, the water dries up to reveal sandy beach-like areas along the creek. People walk off the trail and onto these beaches for a picnic.

I was so enamored by the reflections that I started to lag behind as we walked towards the beach. Usually, we are always within earshot and sight of one another and no matter what, my daughter is never alone. Soon, my family had gone so far ahead that I couldn't see them. When I reached what looked like the access point to the sandy area, I looked out and couldn't see them. I saw other picnickers frolicking away instead. Irritated, I continued along the trail thinking that it was rather typical of my significant other to keep going. He is known for pushing us further and further on every hike. Hmmph. He might have waited for me to catch up!

As I hiked on alone, the forest started getting thicker and there was no-one ahead of me or behind me. I looked in my backpack and oops! I'd forgotten the walkie-talkie in the car. There was no way I could ping them and my cellphone was also in the car - not that it would have helped any as T-Mobile has no reception, whatsoever, in the Park. AT&T does have a signal in some parts of the Yosemite Valley. After about 20 minutes, the terrain started becoming rockier and I decided to turn back. A short while later, I met a couple who were planning to hike to the head of the creek and they promised me that they would let my family know that I had turned back, if they ran into them. The couple then advised me to stay put at the trailhead, which was 1.2 miles from the parking lot, because my family would have to go past the trailhead to get back to the car.

I returned and waited at the trailhead. And waited and waited and waited. It was nearing sunset and becoming progressively colder. After an hour of fuming, I decided to give them another half hour before going in search of a ranger. Luckily, I didn't have to because two very worried and very angry persons showed up soon thereafter.

They had not walked on ahead along the creek like I had assumed. Instead, they were trying to get back onto the trail from the sandy beach and could not be seen from the trail. When they got back onto the trail, they assumed that I was still walking towards them and so walked back. When they didn't find me along the trail, they walked back to the car. [3.4 miles total at this point] They had tried calling me on the walkie-talkie and got no answer and realized why when they saw the walkie-talkie in the car. That was my first Oops! Since it was an easy hike, I was not careful about ensuring that I had my walkie-talkie with me.

They found the second set of car keys also in the car. That was my second Oops! Always keep a second set of car keys with another person in the group so that if you split up, the other group has access to the car, especially if you traveled in one car. Of course, if both keys end up with the group that gets lost, not much can be done!

Since they now knew why they could not contact me, their irritation levels were higher than their concern levels. They walked back to the trailhead [4.6 miles total at this point] and found me. This was my third Oops! If you get separated from your group, head back to where you left the car or always have a place that you will meet at and, also agree upon the latest time that everyone should expect to reconvene in such an event. We never expected to lose each other and while it seemed practical to me to wait at the trailhead, it wasn't for several reasons. The trailhead was a short loop and returning hikers usually take the shorter route out to road that leads to the parking lot. Not that it mattered, in this case, because when I reached the trailhead, they had already gone past it on their way to the parking lot! Also, I would have been exposed to the elements at the trailhead had there been a storm. Another point to consider: discuss how long each party should wait before going in search of help.

After taking turns to vent, we walked back to the car together and when we reached the parking lot, two out of three of us had walked 5.8 miles of which 2.4 miles was completely unnecessary and could have been avoided easily.

So learn a lesson from our experience where I made several basic mistakes on a very easy hike, despite having hiked for so many years.

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This post was written by Manisha

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MURPHY'S LAW & KIDS...NO KIDDING!!

"If anything can go wrong, it will."

Travelling is one thing, but travelling with kids adds a whole new dimension to life. We've been travelling for ages, before & after the kids appeared on the scene ... perks of working with the airlines I guess. To date, we've never travelled without medical insurance, other than on this last trip to Sydney. To date, we've never had a medical emergency, other than of course on this last trip to Sydney! Murphy's law fell into place & as things had to go wrong, they certainly did!! We didn't have time to sort out insurance because of last minute changes to the trip, visits to the Australian High Commission to change the visa etc...& then sheer exhaustion! It was on my mind through out, & then in one moment of wild abandon, I just abandoned the idea. NOTHING untoward on the medical front has ever happened till today, & I have been travelling with kids since the daughter was 3 months old...she is almost 13 years now. But, halfway through our short vacation is Sydney she developed jaundice. Hmmmmmmmm....I'd like to share my notes for the future while travelling with kids:

• Make sure all their vaccinations are up to date (I always do)
• Visit your paediatrician before leaving (something I always do as a habit)
• Carry a small medical kit in your hand baggage (something I've always done, whether I'm travelling or not..my bag is most unglamorous!)
• Make note of your paediatricians' emergency contact; he knows your kid best
• Carry alcohol wipes on the flight (recommended by the doctor in the children's emergency hospital in Sydney; brilliant idea I think)
• Carry a good quality hand sanitizer because the doctor felt that most bugs are picked up on flights (a valid piece of advice indeed; my sisters daughter who is 3+ now, has always landed in India with a flu bug & the first person we always visit is the doc!)
• Carry all vaccination records (or scan a copy & upload it in an online account for quick access)
• Carry any medical history
• If by chance, you are required to see a doctor in a foreign land, do make points of significant & insignificant happenings while waiting in the clinic, because every bit of history helps here.
• Do not PANIC. Be cautious, but never panic. Panic makes the mind think irrationally, & panic tends to transfer to kids as well.
• Lastly, of course, & quite obviously, take medical insurance. It's available online too, now I've learnt...better late than never. Am still paying back hospital bills for blood tests etc, but I guess, we live & learn!

Thinking back now, it was a good learning experience, though an expensive one. I must commend the medical facilities & the excellent doctor, (Dr Scott Nightingale), in Westmead Children's Hospital in Sydney. He was the best doc I've met to date, & despite being so busy, is till sending me the results of some of the medical tests which come through every now & then.

"I never had a slice of bread,
Particularly large and wide,
That did not fall upon the floor,
And always on the buttered side"

Have a safe & peaceful hoilday season...

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This post was written by Deeba

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Happy Thanksgiving from all of us at The Daily Tiffin

For those of us who celebrate Thanksgiving, this hustle and bustle leading up to the holiday also signals the beginning of the winter holiday season. This can be the beginning of a very hectic time of year--tidying up the house, spending time with infrequently seen friends and family, preparing a lot of food, bargain hunting for gift purchases, planning a big vacation--whether you're hosting or just visiting, it can get pretty chaotic pretty quickly and there's a lot of little things that demand your attention. I for one have been running around like a headless chicken trying to ensure my Thanksgiving dinner comes together as I imagine it, focusing so much more time and effort than I would on any other meal. While I do enjoy the craziness, I also realized that its easy to get preoccupied with the details and lose sight of the bigger picture.

So most importantly, out of all the things you can focus on, I just thought it might be useful to remind the readers out there who can be a bit like me: remember to have a great time! All of us at The Daily Tiffin hope you have a very Happy Thanksgiving !

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This post was written by Mike

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Don't Let the Bed Bugs bite

Good night!
Sleep tight!
Don't let the bed bugs bite!

How many times have you said that without really thinking about it? Or heard it said to you? Do you know what a bed bug is? Do you know what a bed bug bite feels like? Do you know what it means for you?

I do.

And once you have been through what I went through, you won't find that bedtime rhyme cute anymore.

My next article was supposed to focus on pure strategy board games but I had to take an unscheduled digression to discuss this awful epidemic that is spreading across the travel and tourism industry and in urban housing complexes across the United States.

Yes, bed bugs.

Bed bugs were as good as eliminated by the 1970s through indiscriminate use of the pesticide known as DDT. As the world became smaller and international travel cheaper, the rest of the temperate world took its revenge on the United States for sharing the roach with them - according to me, that is - and gave the bed bug in return. Changes in pest control practices such as the banning of DDT have possibly also contributed to the problem. But I like the first reason more!

Adult bedbugs are a reddish brown, flattened, oval, and wingless, with microscopic hairs that give them a banded appearance. A common misconception is that they are not visible to the naked eye. Adults grow to 4 to 5 mm (one-eighth to three-sixteenths of an inch) in length and do not move quickly enough to escape the notice of an attentive observer. Newly hatched nymphs are translucent, lighter in color and continue to become browner and moult as they reach maturity. When it comes to size, they are often compared to lentils or appleseeds.

Bed bugs are nocturnal, becoming active just before dawn. They are wingless and therefore do not fly. They scamper quickly over floors, walls, and even ceilings. They are known to jump from one surface to another below it, like for instance from the bunk bed on the top to the one below it. Their tiny flattened bodies make it possible for them to hide in crevices and cracks. They hide near the seams of mattresses and box springs, in cracks on the wooden trims along a floor, underneath the edge of carpets, and even under nightstands.

They are attracted by the warmth of our bodies and by the carbon dioxide that we breathe out. Typically, they feed once every 3-5 days. They have two 'tubes or 'beaks'; they use one to anesthetize the area they will feed on and they use the other to suck the blood of ...well, you and me. They can live as long as 18 months without feeding and the lifespan of a well-fed bed bug is, on an average, 8-9 months.

The female bedbug can lay up to five eggs a day, and several hundred over its lifetime. At room temperature, the sticky clumps of eggs hatch in 7 to 14 days into tiny nymphs no bigger than a speck of dust. The nymphs go through five life stages, taking a blood meal each time, before molting one last time into adulthood.

There is no pesticide that you or I can buy in the market that can kill bed bugs although they say pyrethroids, if properly used, can do the job. In the event of an infestation, they can only be commercially removed. Interestingly enough, dogs can smell bed bugs and are used by pest control companies and exterminators to sniff for bed bugs!

We almost called in the exterminators ourselves. You see, we had camped in the cutest log cabin in Mesa Verde, Colorado on our summer vacation and we loved it so much that we stayed an extra day. I was being bitten from the first night itself but I brushed it off as mosquito bites. It only got worse the next night by which time I was sure it was something in the wood. The third night was sheer torture. Next, we camped out in the open in the Sand Dunes and my bites worsened. Yes, we had carried them with us in our sleeping bags. Bed bugs bites are usually linear and in groups of three bites: breakfast, lunch and dinner.

When we returned home, I had bites on my scalp, my face, my neck, my belly, my back, my arms and my legs. Everywhere. The itch was sheer torture. It is good to know that bed bugs are not carriers of any disease but if you scratch the bites and draw blood, the open wounds could get infected. Our body releases histamines in response to insect bites and there is often an allergic reaction to the bites that looks very much like a bite itself! It's a good idea to start on over-the-counter anti-histamines or get a prescription as soon as possible. Cold compress or ice wrapped in soft cotton is the best topical antidote. Mild steroidal hydrocortisone also helps reduce the itch but remember that I am not a doctor, so always seek advice from a professional in these matters.

I washed every single thing that could be washed, in very hot water. That which could not be washed was bundled up and loaded back into the van. Luckily for us, it was the dog days in Colorado. A heat wave and for once, I was really very happy about it. The van stood in the sun and if there were any bed bugs, they were cooked as temperatures inside the van soared to 110F-120F. Yes, cook them! And then vacuum, vacuum, vacuum your house and then do it all over again, especially the crevices, cracks and areas that could potentially serve as good hiding places.

Sleeping at night became a pipe dream, a thing of the past. We were not being bitten anymore but we started imagining that we were. Yes, serious mental anguish and paranoia ensued! We read that if you think you are being bitten, then it is best not to turn on the lights as the bed bugs will simply move back to their hiding places very quickly. Instead, keep a flashlight by your side and use that to look for them. We had flashing lights in our bedroom for many many sleepless nights.

So what does kill them? I guess there are commercial pesticides that can be used only after evacuating the home. There is one more thing that is said to work: diatomeceous earth (DE). It is finely ground shells that feels almost like talcum powder to us but has jagged edges for those monsters bugs. If the bugs walk across a sprinkling of DE, their outer waxy coating is sliced or cut in places, leading to dehydration and death over a period of 4-5 days. DE could take up to 10 days to work. But it is organic and does not contain pesticides.

We found DE at the local hardware store and nursery and sprinkled it liberally all over the house, including our mattresses. In the van, too. After a few more days of paranoia, we were able to finally get some rest at night again and focus on our work and lives during the day.

Bed bugs are the worst nightmare anyone could have. And you literally sleep through their bites. Some precautions you could take when you travel include:
- removing all bedding from the mattress and inspecting the mattress for dark tell-tale stains of their feces. You should look for molted skin, eggs, eggshells, dead bugs and live bugs, too. If you see anything like this, ask for another room immediately. The hotel industry is currently in denial and will strongly refute the existence of bugs on their property.
- do not place your bags on the beds. Instead use the luggage racks and move them away from the walls.
- do not keep your clothes on the beds. Put them up on hangers instead.
- keep your bags closed at all times so that bed bugs do not crawl into them and hitch a ride home.

Other precautions include:
- avoid picking up mattresses left on the curbside
- if you buy anything secondhand - even a desk - inspect it for tell-tale signs of bed bugs

I know most of you will be grossed out by this information and my story. If it makes you more aware of the problem, I think it is well worth the nausea that you might be experiencing just now.

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This Post was written by Manisha of Indian Food Rocks

Colors of Greece

Hi everyone!

We're back after a wonderful week in Greece. It was FANTASTIC! More to come in the next few days so make sure you stay tuned.

I came home to a lovely surprise, to which I am very thankful.

Hope you all missed us! We'll be back with our regular lunchboxes as of tomorrow plus vacation photos.